i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
