My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The struggles of a small town man whore
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize