we're making bets on your personal life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
