but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
