Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
