We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
