Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
