Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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