she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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