Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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