I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
where are my eyebrows?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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