Cold hands, warm shart.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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