so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
