Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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