you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
