u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
