Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
