Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
