my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
