doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
