i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
