Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
