I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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