Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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