There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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