She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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