Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
