Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
