Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
