You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
