My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
