My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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