guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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