i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
