Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
