Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
