clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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