I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
