Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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