You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
