there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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