Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
