His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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