The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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