Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
