Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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