And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
