I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
