I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
