found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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