If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
