We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
