Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
