Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
