How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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