I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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