And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
