Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
