i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
