At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
