I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
