I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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