M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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