i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
