If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I could make wine with my vomit
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
