you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
