What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
