it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize