he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
