i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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