he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
