thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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