I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
