God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
