Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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