You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
