then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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