Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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