that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
