I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize