I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
