all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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