you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize