i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
