so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
