We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
