I only kidnapped one of them. chill
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
