I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
