Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
