when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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