I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
