Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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