he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
