I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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