At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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