I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
