How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
