I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
