i may or may not be watching the land before time
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
