i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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