what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
