you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
