Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
