you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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