woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
