Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
