You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
