I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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