she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
