Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
