There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
