shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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